8 - growingnglowing - BLT2021
The blog has been silent for so long. I decided to put the blog to the side for a little while because I wanted to reflect on writing and posting my last blog. Think about how it made me feel to write about those experiences, and to find peace with that. Also… there’s a lot of shit I have to write about!
The emotions I felt writing my last blog were actually quite intense. It took me more than one sitting to write, a few times I got upset at how I allowed myself to stray from my values before that relationship, but I also had overwhelmingly happy moments when realizing that I am present, I am happy and I am healthy. I felt a sense of release within myself as well as a new confidence.
I just want to say how happy I feel to be writing again!! It’s a new year. I am 21! I am finally sitting down just me, the laptop, a water bottle, my notes, and some music. I don’t even know where to jump in. It is Bell Lets Talk day! So many good things going on and such a great day for the blog. I have half of another blog open in another tab from before just after Christmas, so many thoughts! We have some meat on the bones. My life is crazy right now! So as y’all know I was hosting/serving through covid. Shout out to all my lovely ladies, miss you guys. I love Pipers, however I just felt I was a little limited on income potential so I made the decision to take on something else as well as Pipers on the weekends! As I made this decision we went into another lockdown, so I have not had the opportunity to tackle both at the same time. BUT. I’m doing sales and marketing for charities. I did start just before Christmas, my good friend is an Assistant Manager there, the people are great, and I feel like it’s a good healthy challenge for myself because it’s a bit out of my ‘box’. Now let’s briefly get to the crazy I was talking about. I had not worked this job for more than 5 days before I got the wicked opportunity to go do it in B.C. I got to see a beautiful part of the earth, of course. So luscious, green, dense, and alive. Unbelievable really. Industrial ports that seem almost vintage. Crazy art and architecture. The mountains feel powerful. Their size, just insane. It becomes sad when you think about everything we are not doing to save this planet. But it’s also beautiful, and I really want to see every end of this world and learn how to do my best to take care of it. I had felt a shift in my life, that I was doing something to change my life for the better. A challenge, but for better. So far, it has paid off. There were some ups and downs to our trip, but overall I am grateful, I am inspired and more motivated than ever. And now I might be able to go work there!!! Overwhelming and exciting all together. Stay tuned on that one.
The 365 days since the day I turned 20, and the 49 days after that have been some of the most interesting, confrontational, chaotic, and beautiful days. A lot of what I told myself last year was that I was going to grow, become stronger, become confident in myself, become healthier, and honestly… that’s exactly what I’ve done. There are a few things I care about most in this world. Good food and the sense of community that comes with it, good quality of life, expressiveness and the many ways you can artistically do that, and love. HAHA, don’t get too jumpy. When I say love, I mean love for life and the people you bring into your life. You still give and receive love in the many relationships you have day to day. I am learning that there is balance in taking care of yourself. I have realized which guards I keep up even though I let some down. This year I have dealt with an incredible amount of past experiences and processing them, outside of just my last blog. Learned about reaction: how you choose to react. This may seem like a simple one, but sometimes it’s not. Reactions are not only physical. Will I only hurt myself more if I choose to stay upset at this person? Upset is in italics because it is a broad term. I faced my addiction for a second time. I danced like crazy compared to recent years in my life, I have a form of expression that lets me get out negative energy or helps just give me better energy. I have new aspirations, goals, and feelings. I feel uncomfortable and comfortable. I feel refreshed.
With that being said it is BELL LET’S TALK DAY. Today is about continuing the conversations and education, and furthering the research into taking care of your brain. Normally I am pretty timid on this day, because I really do think communicating about your experiences and mental health is such a healthy and vital thing to do, but I wasn’t completely honest about mine so I never felt comfortable. Now that I have been able to speak to the right people and trust myself, I am learning there is a whole other side of myself I get to experience. It’s really been beautiful and exciting. However my dms, texts, phone, are always open if anyone needs to chat or vent! It is important as hell to have a safe space where you can talk and reflect and learn. You are not alone out there and we are waiting to help !!
Logging off,
Riss xx