10 - growingnglowing - I learn, you learn
Okay, damn. Right now I have so many emotions I don’t even know how to compute them.
“Emotional vulnerability is putting yourself out there, intentionally or unintentionally. Showing a part of yourself that you may feel sensitive about, exposing something that makes you feel seen by others.”
Why does being vulnerable hurt so bad? Why is it uncomfortable? Why does it make my skin crawl and my mind burn?
The act of being vulnerable isn’t always bad, or always good, but it is important. If you’re able to use vulnerability as a positive trait in you’re life normally that’s rewarding. Don’t let the uncomfortable and unknown consume you. It can be rewarding because in your relationships it can build trust, it allows us to give and receive emotions of our own and of others. Creates intimacy. Gives people an authentic look at who you are.
Do you remember the first time you told someone your raw emotions and they burnt you? I don’t, but I remember vividly many times, and many people, and many reasons I feel this way. I know that if you’ve ever felt the same you’re thinking or even visualizing it now. That’s not a bad thing, it will happen all the time in your life, not everyone’s going to know how to process your vulnerability with them, and they will not understand it. There are people though, who will take that vulnerability you’ve had with them, who you’ve trusted, and distort it in your own mind. After so many times of this happening, you become the opposite end of vulnerable. You’re hurt, you feel beat down. I think that’s why when I become open to people who I feel safe with, I still feel insecure, I still feel worried that someone will call me weak for having the feelings I do, seeing the world the way that I see it. Having this emotional vulnerability in my relationships, most times I’m able to remind myself that just because of the people who’ve distorted and toyed with my feelings and views, I’m right in doing so, but occasionally I still can’t help but feel like after I’ve said what I’ve said, it’s wrong. I should have kept quiet. They don’t need to know how I feel. What are they going to say? How are they going to feel? Are they going to be upset with me? I should have said this, and I shouldn’t have said that. You were right for expressing. No you were wrong. What am I doing wrong? Oh god, what am I doing wrong?
Feel confident in what you feel. If it hurt you, it hurt you. If you adore them, tell them. If you’re scared, express it. If you’d rather go here than there, speak up. Say no. Say yes. Take time. Communicate confidently at the sacrifice that someone may disagree with you, but never be scared of your own feelings, because if you feel it, it’s there, and it’s not going away unless you talk about it.
Fighting for the confidence back is a long journey. Knowing when and who to use your voice for is intimidating. So trust your initial feeling when choosing how you respond and react. That’s organic and it’s true. Being uncomfortable shows that you’re feeling and take that always as an opportunity to learn about yourself. It takes practice and time but we’re all on our own path and no one else is paving the way for us.
Feeling a lot these last few weeks, so we are short and sweet for now loves. Xx.